i’m writing this post-afternoon-16oz.-work-beer, so let’s just say life isn’t so bad.

and i keep writing sentences to start this post and then find myself holding down the delete button. i don’t want to complain. i really don’t have a right to. nothing is THAT bad. 

yeah, my foot hurts. yeah, i found out the “mass” or “thing” or whatever in my foot that started this whole crisis isn’t actually a mass at all. it’s just a super upset joint that’s swollen and receiving the brunt of this ra. it’s like the tiniest joint in my body (not really but, honestly, its a knuckle in my foot) that chose to get attacked first. and yeah, it’s probably going to be that way forever (if not worse, because there’s nothing to “get rid of” or “take out” now that we know this). fine. 

and yeah, the enbrel i was supposed to take this week was defective and didn’t inject and now i’m three days past due for medicine and my foot is getting progressively more swollen and immobile, to the point that i kind of wanted to cry this morning and had to limp for the first few hours of work. and yeah, i had to make about 10 phone calls yesterday to get that defective enbrel pen replaced. so what.

i’ll get my overnighted enbrel delivery tonight. i’ll take it in the morning. i’ll feel better in two days. my fingers don’t hurt. not even after 17 days without an injection. they’re not even swollen. they’re like the opposite of swollen even a little bit. i keep my rings on while i sleep and at yoga and can take them off easily in the morning and post-practice. i can’t complain.

i guess the point is this: it’s a bit scary to realize that when you stop taking your medicine for three days and you are in almost-crying-limping-down-the-stairs pain for a bit, you realize the significance of what you’re body is doing to itself and the magnitude of how much modern medicine can help. 

yeah, i can eat all the anti-inflammatory foods i want. pineapple, yes. limited wheat and gluten, yes. all those other things that millions of different blog posts tout? sure. those things are really important to do to just be a healthy person. to live responsibly. but there’s something to be said about medicine and what it can do to improve your life when you’re not just a healthy person in some regards.

i’m a firm believer (as many know, and some rebute) in the powers of humanity and ancient medicine. of yoga; of reiki; of food as medicine; of your mental state, stress level, and environment as a groundwork for your health.

but i believe in modern medicine too. and that a lot of times, it makes the difference between the good days and the bad.

so yeah, that is all. so what.